Look - It's Bubble Boy

My visit to the gym tonight drove home an unsettling feeling: sometimes I feel like bubble boy. It’s as though I’m looking out into a French world I can’t truly enjoy until I master the language. It’s a challenge. I identify this challenge. I accept this challenge. I comprehend this challenge and all that it brings to our adventure in Paris. However, it doesn’t reduce my anxiety when there’s a room full of people and I can only say "hello," "how are you," "goodbye" and "the cat is on the table."

Everyday I look forward to my workout. Not only do I listen to the latest tunes I’ve received via my Promo Only subscription, but I have the opportunity to socialize amongst the trendsetters. More importantly, the hot men in Paris. But as tonight demonstrated, I’m still not used to having communication issues. Even worse, I realized these language barriers add to my insecurities about myself. Again, I identify this challenge. I accept this challenge. I comprehend this challenge. But what can I do to overcome this challenge?

It all started when I tried saying goodbye to my new friends Lorenzo and Nikolay this evening. They were in a sea of pumped-up homosexuals – throwing bits of conversation to the right and left. Then there was me. As I muddled my way through the testosterone and eye glances on my way to bid adieu, I shriveled. Not only could I barely say goodbye to Lorenzo and Nikolay, I realized I had nothing to add to any conversation around me besides "bonjour," "comment vas tu?", "au revoir" and "le chien sur la table." So with my confidence broken, I darted for the locker room, showered and returned home with mounting frustration. Once in my safety zone, I began analyzing my behavior – all to manage the unwanted stress growing in my brain.

If anything, this process is educating me in ways I never imagined. It’s forcing me to examine my self-image and the unrealistic expectations I place not only on myself but others. It’s showing me that I can’t always control the situation – something improv training should have taught me years ago. It’s demonstrating again why we accepted this adventure – to grow. All easier said than done I'm afraid.